New sport emerges in IHSA called chirpball

Georgia Dougherty, Pulse co-editor

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A new sport has been introduced and passed by the IHSA with only two schools in the conference, Hinsdale Central and LT. This sport is known as chirpball. It involves two teams competing in a battle of wits and comebacks on social media. It is usually played before other matches, like soccer and baseball, as a means of applying pressure and psychologically defeating the opponent before they are physically defeated in an actual sport.

“So far we have won every round of chirpball,” LT Weirdettes member Chaz Barley ‘20 said. “Hinsdale’s chirp game is weak. Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat: you name it, they are out here embarrassing themselves left and right.”

The most recent battle of chirpball took place before the LT vs Hinsdale varsity girls soccer game. Defender Briarya Starkat ‘19 made the first move, commenting on the Hinsdale girls soccer teams’ post about coming to the game.

“I am all about making the first move,” Starkat said, “I like to get in their heads, put some pressure on. Luckily when they make their return moves I have some strong backups like Sophia Gravis ‘20 and our number one point scorer, Lizzie Borninengland ‘19.”

So far LT’s record stands at 3-0 against Hinsdale.

“We might have lost the first three rounds of chirpball, but LT doesn’t know what’s coming,” Hinsdale chirpball player Parker Peely said. “We have been in training and guess what? LT has as much of a chance as Sharpay had with Troy in High School Musical. How about that for a chirppoint?!”

According to the rules of chirpball, that would not count as a chirppoint, so unfortunately for Peely, he just set Hinsdale back a chirprun.

The rules are simple. To get a chirppoint the chirp must be original, lethal and respectful of America. 30 chirppoints and a chirprun is received, but only if it’s raining. A comment from LT Principal Byron Aguahombre receives three more chirpruns. A counter chirppoint from the other team must be decided in a chirpdual. The first player to yell “off with her head!” wins, but it’s a violation if it’s on the second Thursday of the month or a full moon. You lose a chirprun if the comment is embarrassing, nonsensical, or is insulting to Tyrion Lannister. Chirp on, LT. Make us proud.

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