Frat boy realizes he peaked in high school

Maddy Cohen, Art Director

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After a former LT student came back from spring break, a faint smell of alcohol, B.O. and disappointment was left behind. Chet “BIG BOY” Archibald ‘17 returned to Western Springs this past March looking worse than ever.

“His behavior is getting worrisome,” Chet’s roommate Bret Braddington said. “I wake up to him yelling ‘full send’ in the middle of the night.”

Walking into school with a visitor’s pass, he was surprised with how little people cared about his return.

“I’m not saying I used to run LT but… I wore a jersey over a long-sleeve shirt everyday,” Archibald said.

His Snapchat stories are also causing worry. One weekend he put a video of himself hitting a Juul, sourin and e-cigarette all at the same time. The freshman 15 has officially turned into the freshman 150 as well.

“I love yelling ‘send it’ as much as any 19-year-old college boy does, but he really hasn’t stopped since orientation,” Braddington said.

While it was difficult to get any quotes from Archibald without him voluntarily throwing himself on the nearest fold-up table he could find, we were able to get this out of him.

“Saturdays are fur da boys,” Archibald said.

No one really knows what his major is, or what classes he is even taking. All people know is that when asked what he wants to do with his life, he just responds ‘business’.

His family isn’t worried, though. His mother, Nancy Archibald, is soothed by the fact that Chet will just take over the father’s job some time in the near future.

“He always wears his Sperry boat shoes to every occasion,” Nancy said. “He makes me so proud.”

Even though Chet has seemingly no goals or aspirations, he just wants to spend the next four years of his life having a good time. His plans for the next week are ragers, daygers and tailgates, Chet said.

“If you’re looking for the life of the party, you know who to call,” Chet said. “Snap me @Chetchibald123SAFTB”

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