The introduction of the modern technology of texting has had conflicting side-effects. Parents are angry over their children’s over usage of these cellular devices, causing undeniable conflict within families. On the other hand, others are relieved with a quick, simple way of communicating short messages to friends, family and coworkers. Included in the relieved category, is God.

“Humankind finally discovered the true meaning for the opposable thumb,” God said, obviously pleased. “This is what I meant all along, and you finally figured it out.”

With this new development, previously angered parents and adults have taken up texting to please Him.

“If I had known this earlier, texting would’ve been my life,” Mary Young, parent of a text-aholic teen said. “Who knew God thought about this the whole time?”

From Adam and Eve in Genesis to today, God has been patiently waiting for texting to finally be invented, for opposable thumbs to finally become useful.

“I truly am relieved,” God bellowed, his voice sounding like falling water, with long robes and white hair, his eyes like flames; his whole body looking like it was sculpted of pure gold. “I never thought this day would come.”

Men, women and teens were surprised, even shocked at this news.

“I had always thought God gave us thumbs for writing, drawing, eating, shaking hands, pinching things, carrying items, reading, holding cups and even opening soda cans,” Young commented. “My mind was clearly blown.”

So what does this mean for the human race? More texting, it seems, for now they have a good reason to do it.

“This definitely makes it okay to text whenever I want,” Holly Morris, local teen said. “What God wants, I will do.”

However, God still hasn’t had all his plans completed.

“When chimps catch on, I will really be pleased,” He remarked.